Drinking Changed My Life

"if drinking makes you angry, when I drink, I want you more and more and more...", a Dishwalla song blared loudly at my eardrum. I grabbed my headset controller to lower its volume.  I smiled for a moment and went on with my work. I can't help but think about it... 






My dad usually drinks and it's somewhat disturbing that I tend to do what he usually does. When I drink, I felt relaxed and my messy head seem to enjoy the comfort it brings. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a hardcore drinker like the one you have in mind; someone who's wasted and hanging around with heavy drinkers acting like life would end after the last drop of alcohol in their glass -- ahh, pretty nostalgic but NO, I'm not like that.  

In college, drinking was like a normal thing to do with the generation I was in ; drinking in between classes, going out after school, after group studies or working on our design projects (tough to be an engineering student, you know). Drinking seem to be a good company. I have come to realize that life back then was simple. So simple. Simple yet trying to survive.  When I graduated, I felt the pressure rising at the back of my neck. A different kind of pressure. A pressure to take care of yourself, develop the sense of independence since you can no longer depend on parents. I admit, I was a bit afraid, the future I was realizing when I was ten years old finally came and I remember the mixed twisted feelings dwelling and trying to eat me alive. I was like, I am not running away from something I don't want but rather running away from something I am afraid to want. What if I can't make it? Or what if, if I have what I truly want in life, can i keep up with it? I left out a chuckle, I was young then, and I remember it freaked me out.


But I survived. 


Now that I can support myself, life is kinda simple, sometimes hard ,sometimes beautiful. Though the challenges were different but what the hell, what else is new? I noticed that the challenges given were more complicated than it should be and every decision you'd make changes everything. It's not like choosing-the-little-red-dress-over-the-blue-one but its more like you- can't- just-pour-more-salt-on-your-cooked-food-just-to-satisfy-yourself-but-you-have-to-think-of-other-people-who-are-supposed-to-eat-it -- a little more salt may not be god for them. God just knew everything about you and will do anything to make you a better person; oh well, becoming a better person is actually up to you. How you look at things may influence your actions and regrets sometimes always happen.  

When I drink, I felt the sense of soberness. One way of getting out of reality for a while and it also helps me to think of ways on how to overcome such messy confusing feelings that is trying to eat my system up. Don't worry about it though, this is just one of the things I'd do to get the obscure,vague,dubious,ambiguous stuff off my head. Nothing's wrong about it as long as you're taking it on moderation. I felt the need to do better after; prove to people that I can make it; I am challenged when I figured out what to do. I also enjoy the company of friends; drinking does not necessarily mean you are trying to get out from something but it is also a way of releasing stress from hard day's work. I admit, I can be found at some bars like Formo, Ratsky's, Penthouse, wherever. Kinds of drinks? Usually ranges from beer, whiskey, wine, rum,brandy,gin,liqueurs, and oh tequila. Don't blame me, I was working in a corporate world before and got access to these  things sometimes. I had worked with a company where the population had been dominated with guys. I was in a class with about 90% in attendance were males. But I was just enjoying life with friends. We are all confined to a closed room of thoughts in the office -- with all those deadlines, plannings,analysis, that feeling of trying to survive the day at work -- at least after that, you can do something to get your life back. 

Hey, no offense, but I actually don't do that -- now, I mean the drinking thing. I am more mature now, with other priorities; other goals; not to mention, saving my health. Life is beautiful, I don't understand why some people made alcohol their god. I didn't made drinking as an escape -- well, partly, that was when I was young -- but it kinda made me think, there are other more beautiful things to do other than drinking. I am so thankful I already made that phase of growing up...