Be prepared to be blessed

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I woke up with a heavy heart and sleep-deprived from the constant peeing between midnight and 4AM. I asked the Lord to give me strength today and clear my thoughts from negativity, as always.

Being pregnant is beautiful but mine is different. Life has directed me to this side of the journey. Something that is destined for me. Something difficult, something out of the ordinary.

Even though my pregnancy is different from other moms, I still trust the process for I know this journey is for me. It may not the way I expected it to be but I know in the end I will understand why these are all happening. Today, I learned a few things about my unique journey after seeing a lot of newborn photos on my Instagram feed. The emotions brought about by pregnancy, personal struggles and being alone in the process thought me that nothing in this world is permanent. It changed me. It is consuming me. It made me different. It made me stronger than I could  have imagined.

Everything happens for a reason.  When you pray hard for something, know that someday your wishes will be given  to you. But sometimes God has greater plans before He decides to grant your desires.  He may remove someone, something, your comfort zone or anything you thought valuable to you. When all becomes confusing, take time to be still and listen what He is trying to tell you. Everything he does  in your life has reasons but trust His plans. You haven't been suffering for no reason.

He will never take away something without giving you more in return. He knows what's good and what's bad for you. He is trying to direct you to the right path. A path He had arranged long time ago. The things He took away from you may destroy you in the end and He's preventing you to experience it  further. He will give you  something that will make you experience an everlasting joy. Something that will leave a mark on who you  are. Something you deserve.

There is nothing wrong with you. When you give all your trust, your best and you surrender everything to someone, know that the person who decides to leave you is not worthy of all your efforts. In time they will realize that they  let a good person slipped away. They will realize they have taken you for granted. They aren't mature enough for you. They don’t deserve your love, trust and happiness you offered. There is nothing wrong with you. You just love the wrong person you thought who could give you the same love, trust and happiness. But in time, you will learn to let go, trust again and be happy knowing that someone out there is waiting for the commitment you deserve.

Embrace the new life that was made for you. I never thought that I could ever get pregnant. At my age and almost 6 years of trying, I thought I could never be a mother. At 18Weeks, I began to embrace the new life I am directed on. I know true love more than I could have known. I love myself that I wouldn’t let anyone put me down or rejoice at my expense but having a child within me is a lot different. My perspective in life is changing and I am beginning to understand it now. It transitioned me into someone I couldn’t explain.  There is something magical about the process. It made me look forward with so much anticipation. 

It's making you stronger so trust the process. There are some events in life that we cannot understand. But as we go through it, clouds of uncertainty will become clear.  Life will tell you why  you have to go through that kind of suffering. The attacks are so violent that you almost give up but remember  that one of its purpose is to make you stronger. It  will make you more mature. It will teach you to be more loving and more forgiving. It has prepared you to be someone worthy of the blessings. 

I may not understand it now but I have to be patient. I am suffering for a reason. It’s making me a better person now. It thought me to let go of my selfishness and I began embracing the life that I think will make be better at what I do. I will become a mother soon. That thought alone is something I look forward to. To experience true love with the child I am carrying. 

This article also appears on Medium.com  and Life with Ocean